It's a 3-day weekend for J, because of MLK day. I think he's been going stir-crazy already, even with only one day extra at home. We have gotten out though, to the movies, and to dinner with Julie & Ben while they were in town. It's been a tough weekend at times, too, which I'm sure is draining for him. I can't help but feel guilty that he has to receive most of my crying. He feels like he needs to "fix" it, as is his nature. But I don't need to be fixed—I just need to talk, and cry, and remember my babies. It has been truly amazing how different our experiences, and reactions, have been so far.
I had a small scare yesterday with some bleeding... but now it's mostly gone. Maybe it was the fastest period ever? That would be sweet... a bit of grace from my body, after all I've had to go through recently. A long, crappy period would be the icing on the cake.
I'm thinking a lot about my return to work in two weeks. Mostly hoping that it goes well and I don't do one of the following:
• cry
• faint
• act like a zombie
• totally overdo it and regress in my recovery
I also hope that my coworkers don't do any of the following:
• cry
• hug me until I cry
• ask awkward questions (hello, K)
• look at me with pity (I cannot STAND that)
I don't really know WHAT I want them to do. Maybe just say they're sorry, and then let it go. J has told me that it will be hard to be forced NOT to think about this situation, and forced to actually work and do things for other people. But I don't want to break down at work (at least not in front of people), and so maybe it will be best if they just avoid the topic. But then maybe I would feel badly that no one cares... I dunno. I feel like it's like ripping off a Band-Aid... I just have to do it, and see what happens.
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