This will be short, but I wanted to let everyone know that I am still here, and still pregnant, and getting amazingly, crazily close to having this baby! I am 34 and a half weeks along now.
Things have been so busy lately, and I have started going to bed around 9:30, so there hasn't been much time for blogging. As usual, I have so many more thoughts than I can write down on any given day. But I appreciate all of you who are hanging in there with me. I anticipate my blogging to be slow for a while, maybe even go on a hiatus, but please know that I think of many of you on a regular basis. My heart is very much with you, and I am very thankful to be part of this community.
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Talking about my kids
Several weeks ago I met up with a new and dear friend who lost her baby daughter around the same time we lost Asher & Evan. Of course we instantly connected over our losses. It was wonderful to see her again.
As we walked and talked, various circumstances and details surrounding our babies, and losses, came up over, and over, and over again... which is only natural when talking to another babyloss mom. But it struck me, because we weren't specifically talking about our children or our losses the whole time. We would chat about something entirely different—HGTV, the park we were in, food... and our grief wove in and out of the conversation, naturally. Neither of us felt the need to qualify any of our statements, or to dance around the subject. I cannot have that kind of conversation with anyone else in my life except someone who has lost a child. It was such a gift to talk in that way. To fully acknowledge what we've been through, how it affects our every breath... and not worry that the listener will recoil or get uncomfortable.
And it also made me sad, because what we were doing was simply talking about our kids. Like any parent, one's children come up often in conversation. We were just a couple moms chatting about life. But it's only with other babyloss moms that it is socially acceptable to casually mention our (dead) children. When I speak with others I probably only mention Asher & Evan 1 out of every 10 times they cross my mind.
I wish I could describe how freeing it was, how good it felt to talk this way. For a short time, I felt almost "normal."
As we walked and talked, various circumstances and details surrounding our babies, and losses, came up over, and over, and over again... which is only natural when talking to another babyloss mom. But it struck me, because we weren't specifically talking about our children or our losses the whole time. We would chat about something entirely different—HGTV, the park we were in, food... and our grief wove in and out of the conversation, naturally. Neither of us felt the need to qualify any of our statements, or to dance around the subject. I cannot have that kind of conversation with anyone else in my life except someone who has lost a child. It was such a gift to talk in that way. To fully acknowledge what we've been through, how it affects our every breath... and not worry that the listener will recoil or get uncomfortable.
And it also made me sad, because what we were doing was simply talking about our kids. Like any parent, one's children come up often in conversation. We were just a couple moms chatting about life. But it's only with other babyloss moms that it is socially acceptable to casually mention our (dead) children. When I speak with others I probably only mention Asher & Evan 1 out of every 10 times they cross my mind.
I wish I could describe how freeing it was, how good it felt to talk this way. For a short time, I felt almost "normal."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Summer Vacation Part 1: Faith's Lodge
At long last, here is part 1 (of 2) of our recent vacation! Our hopes for this time were to relax, get away (that was a biggie), honor and remember our boys, and reflect on the past 7 months. Also to just have FUN and breathe. I think we got all of that and more, and we are so thankful.
The first week of our vacation included three nights at Faith's Lodge in Wisconsin. Faith's Lodge is a nonprofit retreat center for families and couples who have lost a child, or are dealing with the terminal illness of a child.
I cannot recommend Faith's Lodge enough. If you are anywhere in the Midwest (or want to come here) you must visit this unique and serene place. While there we felt both lifted up and supported, and also allowed to sink into the weight of our grief.
The lodge itself was gorgeous! 12,000 square feet, 4 floors. It includes a large commercial kitchen, eating area, wraparound porch, library, craft room, "Eagle's Nest" with beautiful views, and plenty of cozy areas to sit and read or talk.
While there we met 5 other couples who have lost babies. No two stories were alike, but for the first time we experienced a community of others who have truly "been there." J and I have both found encouragement through blogs and the online community, but it was almost surreal to meet people "in real life." It took a little time for everyone to warm up, but we left with new friends and the feeling that we'd known some of the couples for years, rather than days. Slowly, everyone shared their stories, and we connected through similar experiences, while reflecting on the uniqueness of each situation.
There is something incredibly bonding and healing about sitting with people for hours, who you hardly knew until a couple days before, and talking about grief, and pain, and the hardest things in your life, without having to qualify your statements. Everyone just seemed to "get it." I can't describe the feeling, but it was so, so welcome.
There were a few activities planned each day, but we were free to do as much or as little as we chose. We created a bird house and a mosaic stone to add to the boys' garden. We hiked the Inspiration Path. We canoed on the pond. We spent lots of time reading and reflecting.
There is a bridge at the lodge that is surrounded by small, heart-shaped stones. Each of the stones has been decorated and placed in memory of a child. It was actually pretty overwhelming—like stars in the sky, more and more stones stood out to us the longer we looked. We decorated a stone and placed it under a tree to honor Asher and Evan. It was a very meaningful tribute to them.
Faith's Lodge was so good in so many ways. It was also difficult in some ways. Some parts were both good and hard. It was a time of sharing, processing, and healing. We are so very thankful that a place like this exists, and that we had the opportunity to visit.
And now a few pictures:
The first week of our vacation included three nights at Faith's Lodge in Wisconsin. Faith's Lodge is a nonprofit retreat center for families and couples who have lost a child, or are dealing with the terminal illness of a child.
I cannot recommend Faith's Lodge enough. If you are anywhere in the Midwest (or want to come here) you must visit this unique and serene place. While there we felt both lifted up and supported, and also allowed to sink into the weight of our grief.
The lodge itself was gorgeous! 12,000 square feet, 4 floors. It includes a large commercial kitchen, eating area, wraparound porch, library, craft room, "Eagle's Nest" with beautiful views, and plenty of cozy areas to sit and read or talk.
While there we met 5 other couples who have lost babies. No two stories were alike, but for the first time we experienced a community of others who have truly "been there." J and I have both found encouragement through blogs and the online community, but it was almost surreal to meet people "in real life." It took a little time for everyone to warm up, but we left with new friends and the feeling that we'd known some of the couples for years, rather than days. Slowly, everyone shared their stories, and we connected through similar experiences, while reflecting on the uniqueness of each situation.
There is something incredibly bonding and healing about sitting with people for hours, who you hardly knew until a couple days before, and talking about grief, and pain, and the hardest things in your life, without having to qualify your statements. Everyone just seemed to "get it." I can't describe the feeling, but it was so, so welcome.
There were a few activities planned each day, but we were free to do as much or as little as we chose. We created a bird house and a mosaic stone to add to the boys' garden. We hiked the Inspiration Path. We canoed on the pond. We spent lots of time reading and reflecting.
There is a bridge at the lodge that is surrounded by small, heart-shaped stones. Each of the stones has been decorated and placed in memory of a child. It was actually pretty overwhelming—like stars in the sky, more and more stones stood out to us the longer we looked. We decorated a stone and placed it under a tree to honor Asher and Evan. It was a very meaningful tribute to them.
Faith's Lodge was so good in so many ways. It was also difficult in some ways. Some parts were both good and hard. It was a time of sharing, processing, and healing. We are so very thankful that a place like this exists, and that we had the opportunity to visit.
And now a few pictures:
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Random Thoughts on a Thursday
Some updates...
- This has been a week of lots of "good talks" with J. Tuesday we spoke over lunch while I was having such a hard time. He said that he's been having dreams about the boys lately. In one, it was the end of the world, and some people were being saved from disaster, while others were not. He saw our boys in someone's arms and knew that they were "safe." I am desperately trying to find what little good can come from what has happened, and I think one thing is that we are more honest with each other. We talk more, share more. We are closer than we were before, and I hope that our marriage will be better for it.
- We are going to do Weight Watchers together! Crazy, huh? I've never really tried to lose weight before, and certainly not this much (15-18 pounds). But I think it will be so good for us. The thing that attracted me to WW is that it's more about learning how to eat, rather than dieting. I want to make lasting changes to my eating habits. We start on Sunday, and I'm really excited for it! I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about how things progress.
- Work has been crazy! Not a whole lot else to say, but I have been doing much more "managing" than I realized I would be upon my return to work. I really enjoy it, but it's very challenging!
- Speaking of work, I really hope J decides to look for another job soon. His job is so rough on him, and I want him to be happy, and doing something he enjoys. It's been 3 years, and the situation has not improved. The job market really stinks right now, so who knows if he'd find something anytime soon. But I'm hoping that he will at least feel compelled to begin a search in the near future.
- Also related to J, I am praying often for him to find success. In another of our chats recently he expressed that he hasn't felt BIG success in quite a while. That can be so wearing for anyone, probably more so for a man. He's had little things here and there, but he really needs (and deserves!) a big win in his life. Maybe our WW adventure can be a big win for him??
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Thankful Thursday
What a difference a good night's sleep can make! I felt so wonderfully rested when I woke up this morning, better than I have felt in days. I don't think I woke up a single time last night...ahhhhh. I am thankful for that.
J and I had a good talk last night. First, about seeing a grief counselor. I think it would be good for us. We are both dealing with so much, I can see it becoming too wearing for us to try and constantly hold each other up. J does a great job of being there for me on tough days, and I hope he can say the same about me... but what about days when we both feel like crap? I hope that it will help ease our burden, and help us process everything. Amazingly, this morning I found a Christian counselor in Apple Valley who specializes in infant/pregnancy loss. That seems like a a rare combination, so I hope she works out for us! I am thankful that God is taking care of us by directing us to a Christian counseling group that is so close to home.
We also talked about birth control. Long story short, I am not comfortable staying on the mini-pill. Since starting it I've done some research, and learned that it may prevent implantation as a contraceptive action. I don't know exactly what I think about when life begins (fertilization vs. implantation), BUT I do know that I have felt very uneasy about taking this pill. I think God is convicting me that we need to try something else, so as soon as I finish this pack we'll be trying out the sponge, in addition to condoms.
From this conversation I learned that J feels the need to use a condom right now, regardless of what else we are using. Mentally, it gives him reassurance that we won't be getting pregnant any time soon. This is a good thing for me to know. More news about birth control as it develops, I'm sure....
Also about this pill: I hate it! I have had my period twice in the past month, and had some random bleeding today. I am praying that I don't have any bleeding this weekend! We have such a great weekend in Minneapolis planned, and I'm hoping for some quality time. :-)
(I've been thinking for a while about creating Thankful Thursdays on my blog. I know that not every Thursday will be a good day, but the hope is that I can find at least one thing to be grateful for each week. Today worked out well for that, coincidentally. And I am thankful for that, too.)
J and I had a good talk last night. First, about seeing a grief counselor. I think it would be good for us. We are both dealing with so much, I can see it becoming too wearing for us to try and constantly hold each other up. J does a great job of being there for me on tough days, and I hope he can say the same about me... but what about days when we both feel like crap? I hope that it will help ease our burden, and help us process everything. Amazingly, this morning I found a Christian counselor in Apple Valley who specializes in infant/pregnancy loss. That seems like a a rare combination, so I hope she works out for us! I am thankful that God is taking care of us by directing us to a Christian counseling group that is so close to home.
We also talked about birth control. Long story short, I am not comfortable staying on the mini-pill. Since starting it I've done some research, and learned that it may prevent implantation as a contraceptive action. I don't know exactly what I think about when life begins (fertilization vs. implantation), BUT I do know that I have felt very uneasy about taking this pill. I think God is convicting me that we need to try something else, so as soon as I finish this pack we'll be trying out the sponge, in addition to condoms.
From this conversation I learned that J feels the need to use a condom right now, regardless of what else we are using. Mentally, it gives him reassurance that we won't be getting pregnant any time soon. This is a good thing for me to know. More news about birth control as it develops, I'm sure....
Also about this pill: I hate it! I have had my period twice in the past month, and had some random bleeding today. I am praying that I don't have any bleeding this weekend! We have such a great weekend in Minneapolis planned, and I'm hoping for some quality time. :-)
(I've been thinking for a while about creating Thankful Thursdays on my blog. I know that not every Thursday will be a good day, but the hope is that I can find at least one thing to be grateful for each week. Today worked out well for that, coincidentally. And I am thankful for that, too.)
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