I'm Back!

Ahhhh......... (relaxed sigh) We are back from our vacation, and I cannot fully express how good it was. It was everything that we needed for it to be, and more. Even though I knew we needed a break, I don't think I realized how much we needed it. Wow. Thanks to everyone who thought of and prayed for us and this trip. We are so, so grateful.

I'm busy catching up at work and home (it is amazing how much havoc a cat can wreak on a house in 2 weeks!) but plan to write more about our trip later this week. I have so many, many thoughts in my head that I need to get into writing! I'm working on it! I'm also catching up on a lot of blog reading so I can be up-to-date.

Vacation!!

It's finally here! The vacation we've been hoping for, dreaming about, and desperately needing for many months is finally here!

We have two weeks off of work. Two weeks! I am just beside myself. I haven't had that much time away from work since college. (Well, unless you count my 6 weeks at home after the boys were born, which I certainly don't. I may have been off from work, but that was anything but a vacation.)

We have felt such a need, such a desire to get away from everything, and we feel so blessed that it is actually coming together for us. This vacation feels like a gift—from God, of course, but also from Asher & Evan. In some ways, this trip would not have happened without them. I hope that doesn't sound weird, because I don't mean it that way! But I like to think of it as a gift from them, a way to help us heal. This trip is not only from them, but because of them, and for them. It is time away to focus, relax, heal, and honor our boys. To soak them in, remember them, and cherish their memories. And also to live again, to feel joy, to live life more fully because of, and in honor of them.

bittersweet.

Distraction

I am so distracted today. I can't seem to focus on anything or make myself be productive! Hate when that happens.

My thoughts are daily occupied by many things. One of the prevailing thoughts today is how badly I wish to be pregnant again. Perhaps it was the news of a friend's new baby, or the time of year (we are almost to the point when we started trying last year), perhaps it's just the desire to get out of this "stuck" place I'm in. I feel so ready to get going, get on with things, try again. I can't explain it. Despite the fear and anxiety that is sure to overwhelm me when it does happen, I still want it so badly.

We are kind of moving in that direction, but no official plans until after our trip in July. This is smart, and good, and waiting on God's timing and for us both to be ready. But I am impatient.

Speaking of the trip..... only 2 weeks until Fai.th's Lo.dge, and then COSTA RICA!!

OK, time to get something done. Geesh.

Gulp...

We have our tickets and hotel reservations for our Costa Rica trip in July! We got everything arranged over a month ago, and are SO excited.

But, today I went onto a travel website to see what the latest discussions were about CR, and I found a news article that the Are.nal Volcano erupted two days ago, prompting evacuation of the national park!

Our hotel while we're in the Are.nal area is at the foot of this volcano. Like, we can watch the volcanic eruptions from our bed. Awesome, right? But crap, I don't want to get caught in some kind of natural disaster!

So then, I was looking online for more info about this eruption (which they said posed no danger to anyone, but they had evacuated the park just to be safe), and I found out that there was a 6.1 earthquake a few days ago, in the other town we're staying during our trip!

YIKES!

So now I'm trying not to freak out. Deep breaths.... I'm sure it will be fine, right??

Wishin', and Hopin', Plannin' and Dreamin''

Do I dare even "say" this aloud....?

WE ARE GOING TO COSTA RICA!!!!!!

(!!!!!!!)

I am so excited I could scream! We've been thinking about our summer trip for quite a while, and Costa Rica has been in my head as a possible spot to go, after our week at Faith's Lodge. But, we had to wait and see how some things would shake out financially, before we could really determine what kind of vacation we can afford. Well, thanks to a very nice tax refund, we can totally afford to travel to Costa Rica!!!!!!

The idea of going back there practically makes me cry, I love it so much! I've wanted to return ever since I studied there during college. And going back with J so that we can experience it together... it's too awesome to even think about!

I have to admit, as off-the-wall excited as I feel, I am also hesitant to get that excited, because, well... our plans haven't exactly panned out lately (obviously). This may be something to cover in our upcoming counseling sessions. I often feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. How could I possibly plan for anything, or hope for anything, when the harsh reality that things CAN and DO go wrong has smacked me right in the face? I've always been a worrier, but now I sometimes go around half expecting to trip and fall at any moment. I think that I'm going to die in my sleep. I worry that Jason won't make it home from work. Bad things have happened to me, and I find it challenging to hope and look forward to the good, because my experience has jaded me. It has been a major shock to my system.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:2-4

Then there's this verse. I would certainly like to think that we committed every aspect of our pregnancy to God... but our plans didn't succeed. So what does that mean? Maybe we didn't fully commit our plans to Him? OR is this a case where His will/plan overrides this verse? I don't know what to think anymore. I am having a lot of trouble with this verse today.

Well, enough of this rambly post. The good news is, a trip to Costa Rica is (Lord willing) in our future! Yay!