Attempting to empty my brain, so I can get some work done....

There are a lot of things rattling around my brain today. I have many subjects I want to write about, but not nearly as much time or motivation. In no particular order, here are the things I'm contemplating and/or hope to write about this week:

• My weekend, and the arrival of Asher & Evan's original due date. As usual, my dread of the day far outweighed the reality. Overall, the weekend was not horrible.
• The garden we're working on for the boys. We made a decent amount of progress this weekend!
• The stages of grief, and my experience with them so far. I seem to be stuck in Anger Mode right now. My period is probably not helping the situation, but I am embarrassed by how difficult it is for me to simply be nice lately.
• Related to the anger/being nice thing, I have a very strong desire to be able to say that this whole experience has made me a better person, more loving, more compassionate, more like Jesus, etc. But for right now, I feel like the opposite is true a lot of the time. Again, I am embarrassed to say it, but it seems like I spend so much energy trying to simply function, very little is left to focus on being a better person. Right now I just feel like a wounded animal, snapping at anything that threatens me. My fuse is very short, indeed. I'd be interested to hear anyone else's experience with this, now or when I (eventually) write about it in depth.
• Memories of the boys, and what I imagine them to be like. I've been thinking a lot about this lately.
• My dreams over the past several nights.
• Anxiety/depression/other things I'm trying to pay attention to between counseling sessions.