There have been a lot of questions floating around our house lately. Lots of soul searching, wondering, dreaming.... It feels like we are kind of directionless right now, and overall pretty dissatisfied with how things are. We thought that our "next step" was to become parents. Well, we became parents, but not in the way we planned. Now that we won't have two new babies at home in April like we thought, (and we can't try again for at least 6 months) we are adrift. Unfocused.
We had a good talk today about some of this, and hopefully will be working to set some real goals in the near future. Honestly, goal-setting has not been our forté in previous years, and I think it's led to some mistakes, and overall lack of direction. Maybe this "in-between time," as I keep calling it, is our wake-up call and opportunity to get it together.
Specifically, the GIANT questions that follow me around are:
What the heck am I/are we supposed to do NOW?
What should we be working toward? How can this time be POSITIVE and worth something, instead of simply treading water?
I really, really want to make something of the next 6 months–year. I don't want to simply live through it, get to the end and say, "well, that was a waste of time." Yes, I am heartbroken and a dream of mine has died, or at least been put on hold. Yes, I am grieving, and healing will take up a lot of energy in the months to come. But I don't want to waste this time by just being, just surviving. I think that would make things worse, almost drag out the grief. And although I have no idea what God has in store for me/us, I know for certain that He doesn't intend for me to waste this time. I know that there is a purpose in it. I just need to find it.
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