I'm in kind of a funk today. I've been in a funk for a few days, actually. I should be excited that it's Friday, but I'm not really looking forward to this weekend. We're going to Newtown. Normally I like going to Newtown, and I am looking forward to seeing family. BUT I am not looking forward to the inevitable awkwardness and possible crying that will take place. I am not looking forward to attending church on Sunday, and (I imagine) being bombarded with hugs and platitudes. The chances of hearing some cheesy phrase that will make me angry, rather than help, increases dramatically once we enter the town limits. Ugh. Dread. I hope it goes OK. I mostly hope that I don't make a scene, or burst into tears randomly at some point this weekend.
Dave has an idea to meet with us and go through a book, to help us through this process. I looked at the ones he suggested, and makes me sad that I have to even consider reading a book like this. The titles alone are enough to make anyone depressed: A Silent Sorrow; Empty Cradle, Full Heart; When Your Baby Dies. I mean, jeez. I guess I'm in a cynical mood today, because really, I want to read a book, and I'm sure it will be helpful. But it just sucks that I'm in this position. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today, and the point my life is at right now. Maybe this weekend will help me feel better. I hope!
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