Oh, how I miss them. My heart just aches. My entire body, every cell, feels the emptiness. I can be fine for a while, but then, wham, I am blindsided by grief. Usually when I have some time to myself, like tonight.

I cannot express in words the deep ache that I feel. No one should ever, ever have to know what this feels like. Tears streaming down my face, uncontrollable sobs. Pain that literally chokes me. I would do anything to have them with me. To go back to the day before I went to the hospital, when I was still blissfully unaware of the danger all three of us were in. Or even to relive the few minutes of their sweet, precious lives on this earth. To hold them again. I am so glad that those moments were peaceful, and they knew nothing but love and comfort. I am glad that they won't ever have to know what this feels like—to lose someone. To lose your own child. I am forever thankful that they have been spared the pain of this life.