God is Good

When you doubt God’s goodness, you doubt the very core of who he is. Love and compassion and kindness are not his attributes. They are his heart and soul. They are not his hobbies. They are the lifeblood of who he is. They are his fingerprints and his breath. They are his everything.

—Stuff Christians Like blog,
"Having Faith Like Robert Pattinson", June 23, 2010

As long as I've been a Christian, I have believed that God is good. But when the boys died my ideas of faith and God were called into question. For the first time in my life, I felt disappointed by God. If that doesn't shake one's belief system to the core, I don't know what would. Was God really as good as I'd always believed?

For several months after Asher & Evan were born and died, I wrestled with this thought. I could still say "God is good," and know it in my head, but in my heart I felt conflicted. How could a good God take away my precious children? I realize that one day in heaven is better than a lifetime on earth, but why did He do this to me? I knew God was there, but in my heart I wrestled with Him.

"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" —Job 13:15a

In the end it all came down to this question: Do I believe that God is who He says He is? For if I could not believe that God is who He says He is, how could I believe Him about anything? It was a pivotal moment for me. For the first time in my life I was asked to really CHOOSE to believe or not believe. My faith cannot rest on my comfort, on some abstract idea that "my life is good, so God must be good." I was confronted with the fact that my faith must be built on TRUTH, and this was a test of whether or not it is. Does my faith in God depend on my circumstances, or the TRUTH of who He is? When life sucks does that mean He has changed? Do I believe God is the same today as He was yesterday?

After much wrestling, I reached a point of peace. My God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever. He was the exact same God the day I learned I was pregnant, the day we learned it was twins, the day my babies were born and died. He is the same. He does not change.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. —Hebrews 13:8

I finally feel like I can say that again. My God is very good. This fact does not shift or change with my emotions or circumstances. God's character is not dependent on me. I choose every day to believe that He is good, no matter what.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. —1 Chronicles 16:34