Confession on Comparison

I've always struggled with comparing myself to others. My journey through loss has been no exception. I realize that it's completely ridiculous to compare myself to others when it comes to grief, because everyone grieves differently. In fact, I've never experienced anything else where those in the midst of it can simultaneously relate so well, and react so differently.

And yet, I have these little thoughts creeping in as I read other blogs, books, articles, etc...

• Wow, she seems to be coping well. I wonder if she's being honest with herself, or fully dealing with her emotions.
• Boy, she's a mess. Maybe she needs more help/medication/counseling.
• I admire how well she's doing with her grief, and how strong her faith is. What am I doing wrong that I can't react that way?
• I'm not as upset today as she is. What's wrong with me that I seem to be coping better?
• Should I be doing more/less? Should I try group therapy/medication/that book?
• Should I wait longer to try again, like that person? Should I be trying NOW, like that other person?

I am constantly both condescending and searching for advice. I am judgmental, and yet worried that others will judge. I worry that I am both "too far along" and "not far enough" in my grief. The uniqueness of grief makes me feel lost. Grief has no map, no step-by-step instructions. There are no progress reports or performance reviews to tell you how you're doing. There is no standard against which to measure yourself, no way to know when the long, lonely ride will be over—or at least slow down so you can catch your breath.

I think that God is really trying to teach me something about the dangers of comparison through all of this. Because every time I compare, I lessen the connection I feel with another person (potentially someone I could learn a great deal from). Comparison eats away at my sense of compassion. And I probably miss out on learning what I could from the remarkable women in this BLM community. I admire you all so much, and truly appreciate your hearts and willingness to share. None of us asked to be here, but many of you are creating something positive from your circumstances.

I hope that little by little I can rid my mind of these comparisons, and comparison in other areas of my life, as well. Hopefully I will come out of this a more compassionate person.

Thanks for listening. :-)