Wishful

Last night I dreamed that I had a baby. A real, live, healthy baby.

The dream took place at the hospital (the same one where I had the boys), mostly in my hospital room. I was holding my sweet little baby. He looked just like Asher, but I think it was another baby in the dream, because I remember being aware that I had lost them, and now I had this new little guy.

I don't remember many specifics, except that Jason was there, and my grandparents came to visit the baby. Oh, and I put him into a little fabric-covered box to sleep. And I nursed him (that was one of the things I most looked forward to doing with the twins).

My reaction to this dream is mixed. Some hope, some numbness. In the dream it felt SO GOOD to have a baby. I want a child to hold in my arms, so, so badly. But that's really all the dream was... my subconscious expressing that desire. Hmmm.

I hope someday the Lord blesses us with another child. And I hope we get to take him or her home and see them grow up.