Waiting Game (ttc)

I received the results of my labs today, and everything is normal!! This isn’t a huge surprise since they were simply re-running labs from when I was in the hospital, but it’s a nice assurance. Full speed ahead to Baby #3! Yipes!

I am really so excited to move forward, but I’ve felt really odd the past few days. I feel like I’m in limbo...moving forward, yet being pulled back at the same time. Part of it is the timing—today is 2 days from when I found out I was pregnant last year. So I’m feeling a definite sense of déjà vu. Part of it is the feeling of moving forward, yet not being “finished” with the last pregnancy. The pregnancy ended, of course, but not in the way I expected, so it feels unfinished. I don’t expect to feel totally resolved in my grief for a long time, and I’m not waiting on ttc for that. Emotionally, I am in a good place to move ahead, but I still grieve and miss Asher & Evan deeply.

I just did some pregnancy math, since today is CD1… if I got pregnant this month, I would be due May 13th. And—my heart skipped a beat—the baby would reach viability on my birthday, January 20th. Oh how I hope and pray that we make it that far.

It’s a very slow afternoon at work, so I have a lot of time to think. I am so anxious to get started and get pregnant, but at the same time I have so many unanswered questions. I guess that’s how it’s going to be. A waiting game from here until (hopefully) we have a healthy baby in our arms.