Mother's Day/Weekend Travels Update

So, like I said before, Mother's Day was not horrible. That's really all I could ask for... I don't think that's asking too much, right? :-)

We were in Denver for the weekend for my sister's college graduation, which carried its own set of stresses/possibilities for conflict. But the weekend went really, really well. I was so thankful for that. Everyone got along and had a good time. I can't believe my baby sister is done with college! Wow, I feel old.

On Mother's Day, J gave me a card that made me cry (he always writes such sweet things), and a beautiful photo album full of all the pictures we have of Asher & Evan. The album itself is seriously gorgeous: purple textured leather from London. He really spoils me! And the pictures, of course I can't get enough of them. Plus it's small enough to fit in my purse, so I never have to feel like I am leaving the boys at home. Such a sweet gift.

I have a belated Mother's Day gift coming, as well. J ordered (At my "suggestion") the Audrey necklace from Lisa Leonard's studio. It was created by Lisa and Angie Smith, whose daughter Audrey died shortly after birth. One of the things I love so much about this necklace is the story behind its creation. Angie talked about her daughter being real and having weight, and so the necklace itself is heavier than one would think, and (so I'm told) warms against your skin. I love that. Anything that further symbolizes my boys, their lives, and the realness of them. I can't say it as eloquently as Angie did, but I know how she feels. I can't wait for it to arrive.

Speaking of Angie Smith, I just got her new book "I Will Carry You" and I can't wait to read it!

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Work has been INSANE lately. In. SANE. I know I talk a lot about being busy but WOW, things are not in a good place right now. I'm glad we are busy, but I have a feeling I'll be working a lot of extra hours over the next few weeks. Eeek.

:::

J and I are done with our individual counseling sessions, so we'll meet as a couple again for our next appointment. J has some more anxiety things to deal with, and together we'll be discussing some more couple-y issues. Eventually, we'll talk about trying again, and how to get to a point where we feel ready for that. It's so weird, part of me feels SO ready (the part of me that longs to have a baby to hold), and part of me wants to throw up at the very thought of it.

One thing I struggle with is contemplating how "far" we need to be in the grief process before it's reasonable to consider trying again. The counselor mentioned that we don't have to feel like we're "done" with grieving to move forward and try again. Of course, we will never be done. But how close to resolution should we be? I know this is a very individual decision for everyone, but just some things I'm thinking about lately. I trust that when it's time, we will know.