11 Months

Today marks 11 months since Asher & Evan were born and died. The day kind of snuck up on me, and then hit me like a pile of bricks. I can't believe it's been 11 months. In some ways it feels like just a few days. In other ways it feels like a lifetime. I am a different person than I was that day, and yet here I am at about the same place. Same job, same house, same weather... different heart.

I know I posted this song once before, but it came on my Pan.dora station today and it gets me every time. I can't listen to this song without crying. It's one of those songs that (obviously) is not about losing a child, and yet, it seems to speak right to my situation. Oh, how my heart aches for them.


"The Scientist" by Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.